Sunday, July 22, 2007


I was out walking in the woods today, lost in thought, when who should I happen to run into but my old friends, Baby Jesus and Mambo Sven.

I was overjoyed! I hadn't seen them in many a moon. I had many questions.

While Mambo Sven and my little dog, Osama, ran around and around and then ran off to do what dogs do, which I think is to run around and around mostly, Baby Jesus and I went into the kitchen for a setdown and a little chat. We had some catching up to do.

"Where have you been?" I asked.

"France," said Baby Jesus, lethargically.

He looked depressed. Something was obviously troubling him. "What is it?" I asked.

"It's the French," he mumbled half-heartedly.

"The French?

"Yes," he sighed. "They're thinking too much.

"They are?

"Yes. Haven't you read Le Monde or the New York Times?" Baby Jesus snapped his fingers and a copy of the New York Times materialized on the kitchen table.

"Wow!" I said, impressed. "Say, can you do that water into wine thing again for me? That's my favorite.

"Read!" he said, pointing out the article. "Read!

PARIS, July 21 — France is the country that produced the Enlightenment, Descartes’s one-liner, “I think, therefore I am,” and the solemn pontifications of Jean-Paul Sartre and other celebrity philosophers.
"Yeah, so?" I said, looking up.

"Read further!

But in the government of President Nicolas Sarkozy, thinking has lost its cachet.

In proposing a tax-cut law last week, Finance Minister Christine Lagarde bluntly advised the French people to abandon their “old national habit.”

“France is a country that thinks,” she told the National Assembly. “There is hardly an ideology that we haven’t turned into a theory. We have in our libraries enough to talk about for centuries to come. This is why I would like to tell you: Enough thinking, already. Roll up your sleeves.”

"Boy. This IS serious!" I said. "The French are giving up thinking? C'est tragique!

"Oui oui," said Baby Jesus. "I blame Bush. He has made thinking unpopular! Even in France! The Dark Ages are upon us once again! But you should read Levy's comment. Here!" He pointed it out to me.

Bernard-Henri Lévy, the philosopher-journalist, is appalled by Ms. Lagarde’s comments.

“This is the sort of thing you can hear in cafe conversations from morons who drink too much,” said Mr. Lévy.
"Well, this is good news!" I said, trying to raise Baby Jesus' spirits.

"GOOD news? How so?

"They may have given up thinking, but at least they haven't given up drinking!

"Hmmm," said Baby Jesus, rubbing his chubby chin, "I guess that's true. But I'd rather not think about it, if that's OK with you.

"Think nothing of it," I said. "This is America. This is one big Think-Free Zone over here.


a rose is a rose said...

oh how i've missed mambo sven! thank the good goddess he's returned unscathed!

Peacechick Mary said...

How thoughtless to think we shouldn't think about thinking. This is making my head hurt. Blowing kisses to mambo sven....

Lew Scannon said...

This is all we need, another country with nuclear weapons relying on it's "gut feelings". Please France, you were right on Iraq, don't be the Bill O'Reilly of Olde Europe.

Coffee Messiah said...

All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer. Homer Simpson

Frederick said...

What is there to think about now that we have reality TeeVee?

JM said...

First came the absence of critical thinking, followed by thought itself going on the MIA list. Is it too soon for an Amber alert for Democracy?

pissed off patricia said...

Mambo sven has been spayed. I hope that was okay.

I'm surprised baby jesus is even visiting our country anymore. I wouldn't if I were him.

A little more thinking and a little less killing never hurt a country as far as I can remember.

justin barker said...

Thought backlash at last.
The French with their fatal attraction to the Americans will soon be indistinguishable from us... except their taste for snails.

Aaron A. said...

I honestly don't think France will be able to do it.

See, the US, we scarcely began.

I think it's like methamphetamines,
once your an attic, the craving is always there. France will need a hit.

Neil Shakespeare said...

Mambo Sven has been spayed? Well, probably for the best. Dogs with sex on the brain all the time don't think so good.

Flimsy Sanity said...

Jesus needs to go to Cabela's and get some clothes for the forest romps.

Flimsy Sanity said...

PS: I picked up a Fuller Brush letter opener at a rummage sale this weekend. I swear he looks just like you except for the Made in USA across his crotch. Here is what it looks like. Do you want it?

Daniel said...

Great post, Neil! The irrefutable proof of your proposition will be when America attacks Iran with nukes.

The Zionist string-pullers must be stopped. Where's Superman when you need him?


Larry said...

We are a "Think-Free Zone" and it starts between Bush's large ears.

fallenmonk said...

"This is America. This is one big Think-Free Zone over here.

That pretty much says it all Neil. Not too much editorializing to be done actually.

Mariamariacuchita said...

We export stupidity by the bushel.

Nvisiblewmn said...

I think; therefore, I drink.

I mean, if I'm thinking about the Bush admin and the spread of this lunacy, I'm drinking....

Neil Shakespeare said...

I think, therefore I drink, and then I can't think!

enigma4ever said...

I will have to give this more thought...ooops am I allowed to do that ?(BTW I am so glad to see these two back...)

we don't have to give up wine ? or french kissing right?