Saturday, July 28, 2007

PREACHING FROM A BARSTOOL

“If you make an exception for India, we will be preaching from a barstool to the rest of the world.” -Rep. Edward J. Markey (D) Mass.
I've done a lot of barstool preaching in my time. Back in the day. I gave it up because no one listened to The Gospel According to Neil. But I may have to take up the calling again if Bush's sweetheart nuke deal with India goes through. And if no one listens to me this time, well at least I'll be drunk for Armageddon. Stinkin' drunk. Like an astronaut.

"Though India would be prohibited from using the fuel it purchases from the United States for nuclear weapons, the ability to reprocess the fuel means Indias other supplies would be freed up to expand its arsenal." (NYT)
And there was some good stuff in The Gospel According to Neil too, like The Sermon on the Pool Table and Neil's Third Epistle to the Urinal. (That urinal was my best audience, come to think of it.)

Mr. Bush, eager to place relations with India on a new footing, waived many of the restrictions in order to sign the initial deal. It was heavily supported by Indian-Americans and American nuclear equipment companies, which see a huge potential market for their reactors and expertise.
Oh! And there was my "DUANE FOR POPE" campaign that I ran from my barstool that one summer. That didn't go so well either. I did sell that one t-shirt to myself, but I was stuck with the other eleven. Duane didn't even want one. So I lost some good drinkin' money there.

Three years after President Bush urged global rules to stop additional nations from making nuclear fuel, the State Department today announced that the administration is carving out an exception for India, in a last-ditch effort to seal a civilian nuclear deal between the countries.
So let's see: Bush is gonna sell nuclear fuel to India, which has not signed the Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty, so his friends and campaign contributors in the nuke industry can make mushroom clouds full of money. India can then enrich its own spent fuel from its current reactors to make more nuclear weapons and 'stockpile' them.

Right next door is nuclear Pakistan, which hates India, has also not signed the NPT and has as its most famous son Dr. 'Kill Em All' Kahn himself, who sells nuclear secrets to the highest bidder hoping to start World War Three somewhere.

And, in the "tribal areas" of Pakistan sits none other than Osama bin Laden. Well, at least according to the best guesses of this dimwitted administration who couldn't find their own codpiece in their own pants, even with the help of the Navy SEALS.

But those arguing that the administration has not made good on its promises to clamp down on the trade in nuclear fuel argue that Mr. Bush could be setting a precedent that will undercut his nonproliferation initiative.

Mr. Burns said he disagreed because “this agreement is so very much in our national interest.”

“It will further our nonproliferation efforts globally” by gradually bringing India into the nuclear fold, he said.

Mr. Burns? Not THAT Mr. Burns, surely!

Therefore "non-proliferation" in the Bush administration means selling India nuclear fuel so it can reprocess its own spent fuel so it can make more bombs! Brilliant! That, ladies and gentlemen, is "non-proliferation" at its finest!

Now, some of you might think that sounds more like "pro-proliferation", that the Bush administration has fallen down the donut hole and landed in Springfield and hired THAT Mr. Burns to be its Nuclear Policy Czar. (Homer was unavailable because Bush had tapped him to run NASA due his expertise in the consumption of alcoholic beverages.)

Sure, you might think that, but that just means that you haven't read the final chapter in The Gospel According to Neil, which would be, of course, The Revelation of St. Neil of The Barstool.

That's the one where The Four Whores of the Apoca.....

[EDITOR'S NOTE: Mr. Shakespeare seems to have fallen off his barstool.]

12 comments:

Coffee Messiah said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Coffee Messiah said...

Sorry about that previous comment.

This line from somewhere on C & C says it all:

"Mayberry Machiavellis." ; (

Nvisiblewmn said...

Homer was unavailable because Bush had tapped him to run NASA due his expertise in the consumption of alcoholic beverages/

Good one.

God, I love a good laugh out loud first thing on a Saturday morning.

More Gospel According to Neil! It's the best gospel I've ever read. And that's the gospel truth.

Comandante Agí said...

When will the Gospel According to Neil be placed in all hotel room bed tables?

Lew Scannon said...

Ironically, Iran, which has signed the NPT, will be the only nation not receiving nuclear technology, except in the case of the bunker-busters we plan on dropping on them.

Chuck said...

"...I'll be drunk for Armageddon. Stinkin' drunk. Like an astronaut."

HA!HA! That one got me.

First India and now the good friends of the bush dynasty (and the attackers of the WTC), Saudi Arabia, will be receiving all of our latest high-tech warring (read murdering) gadgets that the bushies have had built by no bid contract.

Blatant shit going on boys and girls...and the bush/cheney cabal is saying, TRY AND STOP US.

Graeme said...

This is really scary. How can anyone support this administration?

I am off to fall off a bar stool as well.

sumo said...

I had one corona tonight...and the ride down that barstool was brutal!

Peacechick Mary said...

I propose we start a church of Neil. I'll be in charge of the nunnery and the winery and the nuclear waste department. You can have the collections and choir, Chuck. Neil, of course will reside on the nearest bar stool and keep us in line with his commandments.

Larry said...

At least Bush the dry drunk hasn't strayed from his philosophy of arming all our enemies.

Neil Shakespeare said...

Actually, THE GOSPEL ACCORDING TO NEIL can't be found in motels, although we're working on it. Most bartenders keep a copy behind the bar, however. For "morning-after" reading.

Wadard said...

...couldn't find their codpieces in their pants with the help of the Nayy Seals...

Now that's really funny, and so true. I can never take this US Administration seriously again. What a gift.

If you're looking for input — give up the preaching and stick to your one liners. Forget Pakistan, India... You da bomb!