...she was in the hoosegow. But now she's out, and I caught up with her on The Oregon Trail where she was filming another charming episode for "The Really, Really Simple Life".
Hi, Neil! I thought you were dead.
I was, but I've been resurrected.
Like Jesus? That's hot!
Well, kinda like Jesus. Anyway, how's it feel to be an "ex-con"? Does it mean you can walk into any biker bar in America and have instant 'cred'?
Yeah, but I could do that anyway.
True, true. So what did you learn during your time as 'The Virgin of L.A. County"?
Don't drink and drive. Well, maybe it's cool on these wagon trains. I mean, what's the worst you could do? Crash into a cow at two miles an hour? But don't drink and drive in a Mercedes. Go ahead and drink, but let your chauffeur drive. Jail is yucky.
Speaking of jail, I'd like to get your perspective on the Scooter Libby commutation.
Who? I thought we defeated communism.
Scooter Libby. You know, the guy from the leak trial.
That was the worst part of jail: taking a leak. And pooping was even worse. I was so afraid the guards would watch me that I didn't poop or pee for days.
So, as an experienced veteran of the penal system, do you think George W. Bush should have spared Scooter Libby the embarrassment of having to poop and pee in front of the guards?
Who? Is that the 'Aspen Clumps' guy? Yes, I am a little it cheesed about that. I mean, didn't he commit reason or something?
Yes, that's it. Treason. Well, I don't know. I think treason is a little more serious than driving with a suspended license. Was he drinking at the time? If so, then he should be behind bars. Never drink and commit treason. That's what I say. That's my advice to young people.
And excellent advice it is. One final question: Do you think President Bush should have commuted YOUR sentence?