Friday, August 3, 2007

I HEREBY LAY CLAIM TO THE BOTTOM OF THE MOON

...before the Russkies get it.

"...on Thursday August 2nd the Russian Expedition placed the Russian flag (in titanium) on the yellow gravel 4,200 metres below the surface at the site of the North Pole.
Yellow gravel, huh? How uninteresting. The bottom of the North Pole looks like my driveway.

I always assumed...from cartoons...that the North Pole was just a barber's pole stuck in the ice and that Santa Claus lived there and, of course, Superman had his Fortress of Solitude.

Santa Claus and Superman were the only people who lived there, but it was OK because they were both good guys and got along together pretty good. They had some things in common. Both could fly, for example, although Santa Claus did need the help of his magic reindeer. And, of course, they were both rejects from society, shunned and sent into exile to the one place that nobody in the world gave a damn about because it had no value. But something changed all that.

"At stake are the region’s natural riches, until now frozen both in law and in nature. But global warming is making them look more accessible. They may include 10 billion tonnes of oil and gas deposits, tin, manganese, gold, nickel, lead, platinum and diamonds, plus fish and perhaps even lucrative freight routes.
So one day last week Superman and Santa Claus were sitting in the fortress of solitude watching a re-run of an episode of 'Married with Children' for the twelfth or thirteenth time on Superman's satellite dish when first they heard, and then saw, the Russian icebreaker.

"A mighty nuclear-powered icebreaker shepherded a research vessel that launched hi-tech mini-submarines capable of pinpoint navigation under the Arctic ice.
"Damn," muttered Superman. "Looks like we got company.

"What are we gonna do, Superman?" asked Santa Claus of his old friend.

"Well," responded Superman in those super sonorous tones of his, "I could melt the Russian icebreaker with my super laser beam eyes!

"But, Superman," said Santa, "we promised not to interfere in the destiny of planet Earth!

"That's true, Santa," said Superman, looking glum, "but what about Denmark? They have claim to the North Pole too, along with the United States, Canada and Norway!

"Norway, eh?" sighed Santa Claus. "Gee, I'd sure hate to let the Norwegian children down. And the fish! Those could be Norwegian fish down there!

"Well, looks like they're Russian fish now. Let's see what it says in The Economist!" said Superman, opening a copy of his favorite magazine.

“The Arctic is ours and we should manifest our presence,” said Mr Chilingarov, a charismatic figure whom President Vladimir Putin has named as “presidential envoy” to the Arctic. “This is like placing a flag on the moon” said Russia’s Arctic and Antarctic Institute.
"The Moon!" said Santa, excitedly. "That's it! We could transfer our operations to the bottom of the Moon!

"Naw," said Superman. "Neil Shakespeare already has that...

14 comments:

Nava said...

Yellow gravel?

Oh, C'mon!! Did Santa get drunk again and peed outside??

Larry said...

How does Neil always get the good spots!

Omnipotent Poobah said...

Let's talk to Pootie Poot and see if we can convince him to plant a flag in Chimpy's butt and then sell off the drilling rights to Exxon.

I bet a sweet deal like that wold retire the deficit.

Nvisiblewmn said...

Would NORAD even be able to track Santa's progress from the moon?

Neil Shakespeare said...

Yes. As we all know, Superman doesn't pee, so it had to be Santa.

Peacechick Mary said...

Reminds me of my youth when we would call Dibbs on the last cookie. I call Dibbs on Mars!

Mariamariacuchita said...

Santa is just so bad sometimes that he won't even go visit the Russians.I wonder if we will decide to attack them and take all their oil-rich land away.

sumo said...

I'll have to remember Pootie Poot the next time I talk about Mr. Russia. Oh...and Chimpy needs to have anything planted in his butt...and sell it to anyone...who cares about Exxon getting anymore profits! I want to see some suffering!

kpn2010 said...

自助洗衣 洗衣店 投幣式洗衣機 洗衣設備 加盟創業 廠房 工廠 農地 土地買賣 農地買賣 廠房出租 廠房出售 工業用地 廠辦 租廠房 五金百貨大賣場 五金工具 電動工具 吸塵器 diy 營造公司 豪宅設計 別墅設計 建築設計 舊屋翻新 農舍 住宅設計 綠建築 蓋房子 自地自建 品牌行銷 CIS 設計公司 廣告設計 平面設計 桃園當鋪15 北區當鋪 新娘秘書 月子餐 滷味 月子餐外送 月子餐食譜 結婚金飾 鑽石婚戒 塑膠袋 塑膠袋批發 塑膠袋工廠 塑膠袋 塑膠袋批發 飛梭雷射 幼兒美語 兒童美語 桃園托兒所 桃園安親班 桃園幼稚園

kpn2010 said...

眼科 眼睛雷射 無刀雷射 雷射近視 台北辦公室 安泰登峰 商用不動產 廠辦 外遇 徵信 徵信社 桃園房屋仲介 桃園房屋買賣 104人力銀行 104求職人力銀行 1111求職人力銀行 找工作 求職 中古車 led招牌 招牌 招牌製作 法拍屋 油漆工 油漆工程 油漆粉刷 桃園土地 桃園房屋 桃園房屋仲介 桃園房屋買賣 桃園房屋網 桃園房屋 桃園房屋仲介 ISO9001認證 射出成形 無塵室射出 塑膠製成品 1塑膠模具設計 精密射出 模具開發 膠框 導光板 縫衣機塑件 外遇 徵信 展場設計 展覽設計 會場設計 104法拍網 大台北法拍屋 台北法拍屋 房屋仲介 房屋買賣 板橋法拍屋 法拍 法拍屋 法拍屋查詢系統 信義房屋 婦產科診所 印刷 上海旅遊

kpn2010 said...

辦公室 辦公室出租 律師 seo 關鍵字 關鍵字行銷 關鍵字 關鍵字行銷 汽車美容 food processing mixers frying machine patty machine vegetable machine 工廠風水 命理風水 居家風水 風水 風水地理 風水擺設 勘輿 陽宅 陽宅風水 辦公室風水 印刷服務 近視 眼科 泰國 近視雷射 眼科 印度 西班牙 京都 東京 法國 美國 英國 埃及 義大利 2歐洲 casino gaming machine gaming machine manufacturer slot game machine slot machine cabinet slot machine manufacturer 婚紗照 婚紗攝影 婚禮 結婚 禮服 seo

kpn2010 said...

104求職人力銀行 104人力銀行 104求職人力銀行 1111人力銀行 31111人力銀行求職 統一發票9 10月 中古車 中古車買賣 台北人力銀行 特色餐廳 景觀餐廳 親子餐廳 黃金價格查詢 金價查詢 黃金 黃金買賣 黃金價格查詢 今日金價 金價查詢 金價 黃金價格 google關鍵字廣告 網路行銷 關鍵字 關鍵字行銷 關鍵字廣告 壁癌 十分瀑布 台北民宿 台北旅遊網 平溪 花園餐廳 景觀餐廳 渡假村 螢火蟲 薰衣草花園 鐵道之旅 房屋貸款 信用貸款 貸款 外遇 徵信 徵信社 搬家公司 台北搬家公司 seo seo seo 網路行銷 網路行銷 線上客服 環保袋 sum中古車 中古車 中古車買賣 金價 二手車

kpn2010 said...

桃園房屋買賣 桃園房屋買賣 桃園房屋仲介 3D飛梭雷射 光纖美白除毛 4肉毒桿菌除皺 淨膚雷射 微晶瓷 網站設計 班服 團體服創意 T恤 T恤 團體服 POLO衫 圍裙 熱水器 三久 三久太陽能 太陽能 太陽能熱水器 三久 三久 三久太陽能 三久太陽能 太陽能 太陽能 太陽能熱水器 太陽能熱水器 省電熱水器 節能減碳 電熱水器 熱水器 衛浴設備 櫻花牌熱水器 包子 四神湯 宅配美食 肉粽 宜蘭民宿 埋線 針灸減肥 黃體不足 內分泌失調 團體服 團體服 肉毒桿菌 肉毒桿菌 禿頭 玻尿酸 美白 減肥 痘疤 雷射溶脂 雷射溶脂 電波拉皮 電波拉皮 皺紋

kpn2010 said...

健身中心 健身房 健身 Spa會館 美容spa 電波拉皮 飛梭雷射 淨膚雷射 植髮 微晶瓷 5雷射溶脂 雷射溶脂 醫學美容診所 外遇 徵信 徵信社 Biodegradable plastic Disposable plastic cups Disposable plastic cups Disposable products ECO products PLA Plastic Drinking Cups polylactic acid 包通 馬桶不通 清水溝 通水管 通馬桶 水管不通 包通 抽水肥 洗水塔 馬桶 馬桶不通 清水溝 通水管 通馬桶 抽化糞池 木工裝潢 居家裝潢 房屋裝潢室內裝潢 > 室內裝潢設計 裝潢 裝潢工程 裝潢施工 裝潢設計 舊屋翻新 室內設計 室內設計公司 室內裝潢設計 裝潢設計 水餃