Wednesday, August 1, 2007

"WHY PEOPLE HAVE SEX: IT FEELS GOOD" Headline in Yahoo News


This is, like, really really big news here folks. Since the beginning of time people have been trying to figure out why it is they have sex, and up until now no one has come up with the answer.

I myself have been trying to figure out why people have sex for many, many years now, but it looks like that crack team of scientists down there at the University of Texas beat me to the answer.

"Researchers at the University of Texas spent five years to study the overlooked why behind sex while others were spending their time on the how."
Well, the 'how' I learned pretty early on in life. There's really not much to the 'how'. They teach you that in Junior High School. They've got charts and everything. The penis goes in the vagina or, if you are a male homosexual, into something else. If you are a female homosexual...well, I'm not sure what goes into what there. They didn't have any charts for that back in Junior High.

But the 'why' has always plagued me, as it has wise folks like Socrates, for example, since the dawn of time. Socrates used to walk around Athens asking himself this very same question day after day after day.

"Why DO people have sex?" Socrates wondered. But even the wisest men and women in the world couldn't figure it out. No one could. Although the great philosophers pondered endlessly, they couldn't come up with any logical explanation. Until, that is, they sent this age-old question down to Texas, birthplace of so many great geniuses.

"...men and women agree on their top reasons for having sex — they were attracted to the person, they wanted to experience physical pleasure and "it feels good," so found the Texas geniuses.

"It feels GOOD?" That was my first reaction when I heard the news that this scientific puzzle had at last been solved. That's the one thing I NEVER would have thought of. God bless those outside-the-brain thinkers down there in Texas.

It feels good, huh?

Gosh. I might have to try it.

25 comments:

Nava said...

wow! Just think of it!
5 years of selfless, devoted research, day after day - just to answer this question that so many have been pondering for so long!

Let me wipe the tear of gratitude in my eye. Thank you. Thank you so so much, esteemed genius scientists. What, what would w'all do without Texas???

MichaelBains said...

"Feels good"? Really!? I don't believe it! Did their results show causality or merely a correlation? Most o' dem Tex'sanian Science types don't know that there's a diff'rence 'tween the two, ya know.

Love teh collage!

Neil Shakespeare said...

Correlation and Causality? Well, I don't know all those high scientific terms, but those Texans sure do know their Sex, that's for sure. I'm gonna start calling it "Sexas" from now on. Then we can have a whole new kind of music called "Sex-Mex".

a rose is a rose said...

i'm glad to see lil' jesus and mambo sven got in on the action too (so to speak)

dang, it feels SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO good!

Peacechick Mary said...

Don't be so fast to put Texas on a pedestal. The U. of Wisconsin got in on some action too. They found out that if you are young, healthy and have plenty of money, you are happier than someone who is old, sick and broke. They all got grants from the gubment to do this. We should form a research team.

pissed off patricia said...

Hey, this sounds like an activity I might want to look into. What's it called again? Oh yeah, sex.

JM said...

Five years and countless research dollars only to find out that people have sex because they are attracted to each other? Perhaps this needs to be elevated to a Cabinet level position, The Department Of The Obvious.

Nvisiblewmn said...

Helloooo, Mr. Shakespeare: Texas has only produced some of the finest scholars this nation has seen. Case in point: our genius of a leader, the Shrub himself!

Coffee Messiah said...

How can one get a 5 yr job attempting to see if these findings were correct, or simply made up?

Mariamariacuchita said...

Well, people here in Texas only stopped having perverted sex with relatives and animals a short while ago, and only in certain couties, so this could be big news, especially in rural areas.

I'm just relieved to know this is now a scientific fact and not just personal conjecture.

sumo said...

Okay...you killed me with laughter at Sexas...and Sex-Mex. Now...I have to ask this obvious question...because it's what I do...ask dumb obvious questions. So...I get the Sex-Mex thing...but there is also Tex-Mex food. So Neil...what you come up with in regards to a food title? I just have to know!

Woody Tobias, Jr. said...

'skuze me, 'skuze me. Will you play a part in our FILum over at Live At The Gay Agenda?

Neil Shakespeare said...

Well again, you know, I'm not a scientist, but I'm guessing that if Sexas geniuses spent another five years they could figure out that people like food because "it tastes good". As to what to call it? Well, if it's really hot you could call it Sex-Tex-Mex. Or you could simply call it "food", but I don't think you could get away with that these days. People want answers. Long answers.

Aaron A. said...

I'm kinda disappointed that they didn't come to the same conclusion as British mountaineer George Leigh Mallory:
"Because it's there"

I was rooting for that answer.

enigma4ever said...

I think we need to study that food thing..Tex Mex and maybe see if it makes Sex better- and then we can get a grant...from the Pursuit of Happiness Center- you laugh...look it up...

Larry said...

Republicans don't have sex, they have accidents.

enigma4ever said...

okay so Larry are you saying that Dubya was an accident ? ( eeeek just picture Babs doing the deed is enough to make me quite ill)

Anon-Paranoid said...

So if I understand this study correctly the reason why I'm addicted to sex and crave it is because it feels good?

I need to have more sex as under Der Fuhrer{Adolph}Bush I haven't been feeling so good lately and I really need a pick me up.

As to Babs it is my understanding that Daddy Bush wanted Babs to get an abortion, however she refused and said it was God's will Der Fuhrer should be born.

Please forgive me Lord for using Your name in vain.

God Bless.

Neil Shakespeare said...

Thanks for your comments, all. And now I have to go have some se....um, salted peanuts.

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