Thursday, September 6, 2007


In response to Mr. Draper’s observance that Mr. Bush had nobody’s “shoulder to cry on,” the president said: “Of course I do, I’ve got God’s shoulder to cry on, and I cry a lot.” (NYT)
Poor God. He's got one wet shirt, that's for sure. For you see I, too, have been crying on the shoulder of God of late. I see George there all the time. In fact, we've joked about it:

"Neil! You here again?

"Yup. You too, huh, George?

"God's got a mighty soft shoulder, Neil. Big shoulder. Plenty of room for both of us. But...pardon me for asking a personal question...but what are you crying about? I mean, you don't exactly have the weight of the world on your shoulders like I do!

"No, but I do have the weight of George W. Bush on my shoulders.

"Oh, sorry about that, but admit it! You were hogging God's shoulder! You were CLINGING to it! Now move over. I got me some cryin' to do!

"Quit kicking me, George! Dammit! Well, alright, I guess I can cry here on God's chest.

"Not as good as the shoulder! And don't cry on His belly button. He gets easily pissed about that.

"Thanks for the tip. Is it OK if I cry on God's diaphragm?

"Sure, sure. But make sure none of your tears falls down on God's nuts, Neil! He gets REALLY pissed when you cry on his nuts!

"Does the salt get into the tip of His pecker?

"Ouch! That would hurt! Heh-heh.

"Listen, George, I don't want to keep you from your crying. Go right ahead and cry on God's shoulder. I'll turn my head the other way.

"Thanks, Neil. It's not easy for me to cry with you watchin' me. In fact, could you go, like, cry on God's thigh or something?

"Sure. Sure.

"OK, that's good, but how about you slide a little further down and cry on God's knee?


"Dammit! I can still see you down there! I can't cry if I can see you. Why don't you go ahead and drop all the way down and cry on God's toes?

"Way down here?

"Yeah, that's it! Cry on God's pinkie there. That's a buddy. OK, I'm goin' to start cryin' now!

"OK, George. Say, George?

"Yeah, Neil, what is it?! Can't you see I'm welling up here?! I was just about to let the floodgates open!

"Sorry, George. But I was just wondering if you could crawl up a little bit and cry on God's moustache?


JM said...

God's diaphragm? I always thought God seemed more of a rhythm method sort of deity, myself.

Nvisiblewmn said...

Stop hogging the God, you two!

(Neil, you kill me.)

Larry said...

Don't we all cry everyday that the Moronic Maggot is in office?

a rose is a rose said...

you know the song tears of rage? well.......

Montag said...

It's pretty impossible to be the first to do something on the internets nowadays. But I'll take credit for posting the first 'God macro' if no one else is claiming it...

God Says Don't Cry

[Inspired by Neil Shakespeare.]

sumo said...

Good one Montag...excellent! Neil, take solace in knowing G. is nearly gone...notice...I said nearly!

Coffee Messiah said...

What an idiot he is and he doesn't seem to notice! ; (

Nicely done, Neil! ; )

Anon-Paranoid said...

I highly doubt that God would let that moronic idiot cry on his shoulder.

Now if you said Satan I might believe you. You've been smoking too much opium huh?

God Bless.

MichaelBains said...

The artwork confused me on this one. I thought you were gonna ask him to cry on Gawd's glasses. You know. The ones Its little head wears. Then I looked back at the portrait and . .. . um, who..? which..? what..?

Ahhh, well... Guess I'll just go cry in Gaia's cleavage.


(Very nice, montag!)

windspike said...

What if my god is not W's god and my god is the right god? What then?

enigma4ever said...

oh this is sooo good....I knew that you would do the right thing with the Crying...oh my...

( I posted my may as well come on over...have a look..)

Flimsy Sanity said...

If Bu$h were actually in distress, his face would show the strain. That is why he never attends servicemen's funerals - he cannot fake concern and I doubt he his cried since Gannon left.

michael greenwell said...

does his mascara not run off onto gods pristine white robes?

Daniel said...

Hey, Neil, I just attacked god on my blog too. I wonder will we receive Divine Retribution, be turned into pillars of salt or swallowed by a whale?

I'm hiding under the bed just in case!

Graeme said...

Even god hates GWB

kpn2010 said...

健身中心 健身房 健身 Spa會館 美容spa 電波拉皮 飛梭雷射 淨膚雷射 植髮 微晶瓷 5雷射溶脂 雷射溶脂 醫學美容診所 外遇 徵信 徵信社 Biodegradable plastic Disposable plastic cups Disposable plastic cups Disposable products ECO products PLA Plastic Drinking Cups polylactic acid 包通 馬桶不通 清水溝 通水管 通馬桶 水管不通 包通 抽水肥 洗水塔 馬桶 馬桶不通 清水溝 通水管 通馬桶 抽化糞池 木工裝潢 居家裝潢 房屋裝潢室內裝潢 > 室內裝潢設計 裝潢 裝潢工程 裝潢施工 裝潢設計 舊屋翻新 室內設計 室內設計公司 室內裝潢設計 裝潢設計 水餃

kpn2010 said...

桃園房屋買賣 桃園房屋買賣 桃園房屋仲介 3D飛梭雷射 光纖美白除毛 4肉毒桿菌除皺 淨膚雷射 微晶瓷 網站設計 班服 團體服創意 T恤 T恤 團體服 POLO衫 圍裙 熱水器 三久 三久太陽能 太陽能 太陽能熱水器 三久 三久 三久太陽能 三久太陽能 太陽能 太陽能 太陽能熱水器 太陽能熱水器 省電熱水器 節能減碳 電熱水器 熱水器 衛浴設備 櫻花牌熱水器 包子 四神湯 宅配美食 肉粽 宜蘭民宿 埋線 針灸減肥 黃體不足 內分泌失調 團體服 團體服 肉毒桿菌 肉毒桿菌 禿頭 玻尿酸 美白 減肥 痘疤 雷射溶脂 雷射溶脂 電波拉皮 電波拉皮 皺紋

kpn2010 said...

104求職人力銀行 104人力銀行 104求職人力銀行 1111人力銀行 31111人力銀行求職 統一發票9 10月 中古車 中古車買賣 台北人力銀行 特色餐廳 景觀餐廳 親子餐廳 黃金價格查詢 金價查詢 黃金 黃金買賣 黃金價格查詢 今日金價 金價查詢 金價 黃金價格 google關鍵字廣告 網路行銷 關鍵字 關鍵字行銷 關鍵字廣告 壁癌 十分瀑布 台北民宿 台北旅遊網 平溪 花園餐廳 景觀餐廳 渡假村 螢火蟲 薰衣草花園 鐵道之旅 房屋貸款 信用貸款 貸款 外遇 徵信 徵信社 搬家公司 台北搬家公司 seo seo seo 網路行銷 網路行銷 線上客服 環保袋 sum中古車 中古車 中古車買賣 金價 二手車

kpn2010 said...

辦公室 辦公室出租 律師 seo 關鍵字 關鍵字行銷 關鍵字 關鍵字行銷 汽車美容 food processing mixers frying machine patty machine vegetable machine 工廠風水 命理風水 居家風水 風水 風水地理 風水擺設 勘輿 陽宅 陽宅風水 辦公室風水 印刷服務 近視 眼科 泰國 近視雷射 眼科 印度 西班牙 京都 東京 法國 美國 英國 埃及 義大利 2歐洲 casino gaming machine gaming machine manufacturer slot game machine slot machine cabinet slot machine manufacturer 婚紗照 婚紗攝影 婚禮 結婚 禮服 seo

kpn2010 said...

眼科 眼睛雷射 無刀雷射 雷射近視 台北辦公室 安泰登峰 商用不動產 廠辦 外遇 徵信 徵信社 桃園房屋仲介 桃園房屋買賣 104人力銀行 104求職人力銀行 1111求職人力銀行 找工作 求職 中古車 led招牌 招牌 招牌製作 法拍屋 油漆工 油漆工程 油漆粉刷 桃園土地 桃園房屋 桃園房屋仲介 桃園房屋買賣 桃園房屋網 桃園房屋 桃園房屋仲介 ISO9001認證 射出成形 無塵室射出 塑膠製成品 1塑膠模具設計 精密射出 模具開發 膠框 導光板 縫衣機塑件 外遇 徵信 展場設計 展覽設計 會場設計 104法拍網 大台北法拍屋 台北法拍屋 房屋仲介 房屋買賣 板橋法拍屋 法拍 法拍屋 法拍屋查詢系統 信義房屋 婦產科診所 印刷 上海旅遊

kpn2010 said...

自助洗衣 洗衣店 投幣式洗衣機 洗衣設備 加盟創業 廠房 工廠 農地 土地買賣 農地買賣 廠房出租 廠房出售 工業用地 廠辦 租廠房 五金百貨大賣場 五金工具 電動工具 吸塵器 diy 營造公司 豪宅設計 別墅設計 建築設計 舊屋翻新 農舍 住宅設計 綠建築 蓋房子 自地自建 品牌行銷 CIS 設計公司 廣告設計 平面設計 桃園當鋪15 北區當鋪 新娘秘書 月子餐 滷味 月子餐外送 月子餐食譜 結婚金飾 鑽石婚戒 塑膠袋 塑膠袋批發 塑膠袋工廠 塑膠袋 塑膠袋批發 飛梭雷射 幼兒美語 兒童美語 桃園托兒所 桃園安親班 桃園幼稚園