Thursday, September 6, 2007

CRYING ON THE SHOULDER OF GOD

In response to Mr. Draper’s observance that Mr. Bush had nobody’s “shoulder to cry on,” the president said: “Of course I do, I’ve got God’s shoulder to cry on, and I cry a lot.” (NYT)
Poor God. He's got one wet shirt, that's for sure. For you see I, too, have been crying on the shoulder of God of late. I see George there all the time. In fact, we've joked about it:

"Neil! You here again?

"Yup. You too, huh, George?

"God's got a mighty soft shoulder, Neil. Big shoulder. Plenty of room for both of us. But...pardon me for asking a personal question...but what are you crying about? I mean, you don't exactly have the weight of the world on your shoulders like I do!

"No, but I do have the weight of George W. Bush on my shoulders.

"Oh, sorry about that, but admit it! You were hogging God's shoulder! You were CLINGING to it! Now move over. I got me some cryin' to do!

"Quit kicking me, George! Dammit! Well, alright, I guess I can cry here on God's chest.

"Not as good as the shoulder! And don't cry on His belly button. He gets easily pissed about that.

"Thanks for the tip. Is it OK if I cry on God's diaphragm?

"Sure, sure. But make sure none of your tears falls down on God's nuts, Neil! He gets REALLY pissed when you cry on his nuts!

"Does the salt get into the tip of His pecker?

"Ouch! That would hurt! Heh-heh.

"Listen, George, I don't want to keep you from your crying. Go right ahead and cry on God's shoulder. I'll turn my head the other way.

"Thanks, Neil. It's not easy for me to cry with you watchin' me. In fact, could you go, like, cry on God's thigh or something?

"Sure. Sure.

"OK, that's good, but how about you slide a little further down and cry on God's knee?

"Alright.

"Dammit! I can still see you down there! I can't cry if I can see you. Why don't you go ahead and drop all the way down and cry on God's toes?

"Way down here?

"Yeah, that's it! Cry on God's pinkie there. That's a buddy. OK, I'm goin' to start cryin' now!

"OK, George. Say, George?

"Yeah, Neil, what is it?! Can't you see I'm welling up here?! I was just about to let the floodgates open!

"Sorry, George. But I was just wondering if you could crawl up a little bit and cry on God's moustache?

21 comments:

JM said...

God's diaphragm? I always thought God seemed more of a rhythm method sort of deity, myself.

Nvisiblewmn said...

Stop hogging the God, you two!

(Neil, you kill me.)

Larry said...

Don't we all cry everyday that the Moronic Maggot is in office?

a rose is a rose said...

you know the song tears of rage? well.......

Montag said...

It's pretty impossible to be the first to do something on the internets nowadays. But I'll take credit for posting the first 'God macro' if no one else is claiming it...

God Says Don't Cry

[Inspired by Neil Shakespeare.]

sumo said...

Good one Montag...excellent! Neil, take solace in knowing G. is nearly gone...notice...I said nearly!

Coffee Messiah said...

What an idiot he is and he doesn't seem to notice! ; (

Nicely done, Neil! ; )

Anon-Paranoid said...

I highly doubt that God would let that moronic idiot cry on his shoulder.

Now if you said Satan I might believe you. You've been smoking too much opium huh?

God Bless.

MichaelBains said...

The artwork confused me on this one. I thought you were gonna ask him to cry on Gawd's glasses. You know. The ones Its little head wears. Then I looked back at the portrait and . .. . um, who..? which..? what..?

Ahhh, well... Guess I'll just go cry in Gaia's cleavage.

{sigh}

(Very nice, montag!)

windspike said...

What if my god is not W's god and my god is the right god? What then?

enigma4ever said...

oh this is sooo good....I knew that you would do the right thing with the Crying...oh my...

( I posted my picture...you may as well come on over...have a look..)

Flimsy Sanity said...

If Bu$h were actually in distress, his face would show the strain. That is why he never attends servicemen's funerals - he cannot fake concern and I doubt he his cried since Gannon left.

michael greenwell said...

does his mascara not run off onto gods pristine white robes?

Daniel said...

Hey, Neil, I just attacked god on my blog too. I wonder will we receive Divine Retribution, be turned into pillars of salt or swallowed by a whale?

I'm hiding under the bed just in case!

Graeme said...

Even god hates GWB

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