SLEAZY STREET

"Country First".

This is the slogan, if I read their podiums correctly, of the Republican Party.

My question is: What Country?

I have a hard time remembering what country I belong to these days. Are we China now? Saudi Arabia? Qatar? Am I a Russian now? An Alaskan? A Swede?

Does "America" even exist anymore?

I don't think the Republicans know exactly who they've sold us out to either. That's why it says "Country First" on their podiums instead of "America First". They're playing it safe. If they should happen to win they'll tally up all our debts and find out who owns us. Then they can change the messages on their podiums from "Country First" to "China First", or "Russia First" or "Alaska First" or whatever. (Chances are it won't be "Iceland First" from what I've been hearing.)

Maybe the Republican podiums should read, "Usurious Credit Industry First". The Democrats should put that on their podiums too. Never have so few sold out so many so fast.

Still, this is MY country, whatever it is. This is "The Ownership Society", so they tell me. I own it. I now own all the banks and the insurance companies and the auto makers. I have yet to see a dime from my investment, but what's a dime? I'm holding out for a billion dollars. Then I'm going to bailout Tommy Chong and corner the bong market.

"Country First!" You betcha. And I am super patriotic too! I love being Chinese! I have pictures of Chairman George all over the house. I plaster them over the chinks in the siding to keep out the cold winter winds. My motto is "Buy Chinese!" I check every label and if it doesn't say "Made in China" I don't buy it. That's how patriotic I am! Luckily, I don't run across too many labels saying "Made in America". I don't think they make anything in America anymore. Except for bullshit. And that's only for domestic consumption. The rest of the world won't buy it.

*Neil Shakespeare has recovered from his migraine problems, having spent the summer clearing brush in an attempt to become as "crisp" as his hero, George W. Bush. He cleared the brush from the west side of the house completely, exposing the trunks of the oaks. His reward was to roll out of bed the other morning and look out the window and see four young deer munching on the acorns carpeting the new grass. Hard physical work has its drawbacks, however, and Neil has torn the rotator cuff in his right shoulder, which is why he is not pitching in the World Series this year.